I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
