I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
