That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What drink are we having for lunch?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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