what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
