Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
