I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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