they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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