I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
