This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it's like iHOP with fire
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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