did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
