he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
