is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
