i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
