i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just tell him i said nine months
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
