And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
