Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Panties = found
Randomize
