If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
