Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
