my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
