That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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