Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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