DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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