Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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