I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
