Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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