I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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