I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
