2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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