i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
