just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
