just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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