Midget sex pt 2 tonight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
