..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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