bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
