i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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