john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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