fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
