Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
