Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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