Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
