can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
