Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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