I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
