If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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