is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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