Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
