Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
