I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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