He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
