i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
