Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
