I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
