so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
